a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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