dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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