My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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