I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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