he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i think i just lost a toe
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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