I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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