Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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