Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
