Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
