My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
