he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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