She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
