in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
