I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
