do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
