You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
