I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize