How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
