My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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