Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
