**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
