just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
