i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
