i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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