Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
