My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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