Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
