i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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