dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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