Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
