my phone needs a breathalizer
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
