She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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