There is no way he is gay with that hair.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
