her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
