When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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