Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
