just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
