That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I would ride that face into the sunset
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
