There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize