I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
