i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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