return my video game
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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