Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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