Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
