I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
