He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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