four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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