McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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