There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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