My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
