can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
