Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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