..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Green mimosas i think yes
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm bleeding and have questions
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize