His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
