Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
