It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
