Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
