and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
