I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize