Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Tornado booty call.. dedication
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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