dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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