Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
