I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
