Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
