my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
