I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Randomize
