we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
