hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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