Do you still have your period?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
