Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
