mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
